You know what’s almost as much fun as snuggling up with a cute dog? It’s delving into a treasure trove of hilarious funny dog quotes, picking out your favorites, and then sharing them with anyone who’s up for a good laugh. I mean, come on, dog quotes are like the cream of the punny jokes!
Whether you’re engaged in lively banter, seeking a witty Instagram caption for your pup’s photo, or aiming for clever card content, these dog quotes are spot-on. Additionally, they’re charming, humorous, and guaranteed to bring smiles to everyone’s faces. So, dive in and discover your top pick among these funny dog quotes.”
Here Our The 30 Funny Dog Quotes
- “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers
- “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” — Mark Twain
- “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
- “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” — Josh Billings
- “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” — Rita Rudner
- “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
- “Happiness is a warm puppy.” — Charles M. Schulz
- “A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.” — Erma Bombeck
- “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!'” — Dave Barry
- “Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.” — Robert Benchley
- “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.” — Anonymous
- “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Spike Milligan
- “My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.” — Rita Rudner
- “Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.” — Edward Abbey
- “The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backward so that he can breathe without letting go.” — Elayne Boosler
- “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” — Ben Williams
- “Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.” — W. R. Purche
- “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” — Ann Landers
- “I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.” — Dave Mason
- “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” — Roger Caras
- “The best way to keep a man is to keep him guessing – with a doggie.” — Dorothy Parker
- “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” — James Thurber
- “Scratch a dog, and you’ll find a permanent job.” — Oliver Gaspirtz
- “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” — Phil Pastoret
- “Every dog must have his day.” — M.K. Clinton
- “A dog is the only thing that can mend a crack in your broken heart.” — Robert A. Heinlein
- “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” — Johnny Depp
- “I would live with all of my dogs if I could. I have gone so far as to sleep out in the yard with them to be near them.” — Roger Caras
- “Cats have it all – admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it.” — Ogden Nash
- “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” — Aldous Huxley