Funny Dog Quotes

Anything Is Paw-sible With These 30 Funny Dog Quotes Sure To Leave You Howling

You know what’s almost as much fun as snuggling up with a cute dog? It’s delving into a treasure trove of hilarious funny dog quotes, picking out your favorites, and then sharing them with anyone who’s up for a good laugh. I mean, come on, dog quotes are like the cream of the punny jokes!

Whether you’re engaged in lively banter, seeking a witty Instagram caption for your pup’s photo, or aiming for clever card content, these dog quotes are spot-on. Additionally, they’re charming, humorous, and guaranteed to bring smiles to everyone’s faces. So, dive in and discover your top pick among these funny dog quotes.”

Here Our The 30 Funny Dog Quotes

  1. “If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die, I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers
  2. “If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man.” — Mark Twain
  3. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” — Andy Rooney
  4. “A dog is the only thing on earth that loves you more than he loves himself.” — Josh Billings
  5. “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” — Rita Rudner
  6. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog, it’s too dark to read.” — Groucho Marx
  7. “Happiness is a warm puppy.” — Charles M. Schulz
  8. “A dog can express more with his tail in minutes than his owner can express with his tongue in hours.” — Erma Bombeck
  9. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!'” — Dave Barry
  10. “Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.” — Robert Benchley
  11. “If I could be half the person my dog is, I’d be twice the human I am.” — Anonymous
  12. “I’m not afraid of death; I just don’t want to be there when it happens.” — Spike Milligan
  13. “My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.” — Rita Rudner
  14. “Do not make the mistake of treating your dogs like humans or they will treat you like dogs.” — Edward Abbey
  15. “The nose of the bulldog has been slanted backward so that he can breathe without letting go.” — Elayne Boosler
  16. “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” — Ben Williams
  17. “Everyone thinks they have the best dog, and none of them are wrong.” — W. R. Purche
  18. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” — Ann Landers
  19. “I think dogs are the most amazing creatures; they give unconditional love. For me, they are the role model for being alive.” — Dave Mason
  20. “Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” — Roger Caras
  21. “The best way to keep a man is to keep him guessing – with a doggie.” — Dorothy Parker
  22. “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” — James Thurber
  23. “Scratch a dog, and you’ll find a permanent job.” — Oliver Gaspirtz
  24. “If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog.” — Phil Pastoret
  25. “Every dog must have his day.” — M.K. Clinton
  26. “A dog is the only thing that can mend a crack in your broken heart.” — Robert A. Heinlein
  27. “The only creatures that are evolved enough to convey pure love are dogs and infants.” — Johnny Depp
  28. “I would live with all of my dogs if I could. I have gone so far as to sleep out in the yard with them to be near them.” — Roger Caras
  29. “Cats have it all – admiration, an endless sleep, and company only when they want it.” — Ogden Nash
  30. “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” — Aldous Huxley

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